Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
