You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
