How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
