you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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