the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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