Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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