It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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