i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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