don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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