i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
