So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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