if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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