i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
