We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
foreskin is a definite game changer
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
