pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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