Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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