I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
