Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
