True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
