Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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