I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
