True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
