After last night, I could never be a politician.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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