I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm like, not good at living.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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