so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
