Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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