Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
