All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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