You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Two words: blizzard sex
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
