I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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