listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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