Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
