I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
