they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
