she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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