Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
