just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Randomize
