well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
