Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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