I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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