he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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