Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
