I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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