I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
