Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
