the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
