There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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