Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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