Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
