I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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