dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
