Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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