And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
